never ending days

It's been a month since I last offered any updates on how we're holding up as bed rest continues for me, and Chloë just becomes more and more rambunctious.

This week I am 30 weeks pregnant, a huge milestone for someone who lived with 8 weeks of not knowing if I'd make it to a good viability point. Having endured almost 10 weeks of bed rest, I feel like a survivor already, but there's another six weeks to go, and I'm not going to lie, it's tough, very tough, but each week I hold this baby in, I know it's less time spent in the NICU, and having spent 2 weeks in the NICU with Chloë, after weeks of hospital bed rest, I am willing to do anything to avoid that this time around.

Saying that almost makes it seem like I'm totally great doing this, however, as I described it to someone earlier this week, long term bed rest is a very special kind of hell. I have passed the halfway mark, and as I said, I have another six weeks to go. At 36 weeks the doctors will remove my cerclage, take me off my medications, and at that point I'm off bed rest and free to deliver whenever. The goal is to make it to at least 37 weeks, though Dr. F. is being very optimistic and believes I will make it to 39 weeks, which is when he scheduled my c-section for. Personally, I have hopes of making it to 38 weeks and spending the weeks after I'm released from bed rest lazing by the pool, getting mani/pedis, doing last minute touches to the nursery finished, and perhaps going to a movie or two. But who knows, I could deliver the minute they remove my cerclage. Either way, this fantasy is what has kept me going the last few weeks.

As the weeks have crawled along, I've had good days and bad days. On good days I relish in the anticipation of the baby boy that's almost here (no need to hurry, though!) and I daydream about what life will be like once he joins us on the outside. On bad days, I wallow in self pity and wonder how I'm going to make it one more day, one more week, and would it be really bad if I just ignored some of the doctor's orders and went out for the day. Thankfully, the good days are enough to make me conquer the bad days, and I trudge along. Whatever the day, though, I have something that always perks me up:


the face of someone who's about to get into trouble...


sweet moments with daddy

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