moving at the speed of lightning

it feels like summer was just here, and all of a sudden the trees are turning.

my baby boy will be one next week. except, he's not a baby anymore. he's weaned himself and he drinks from a cup. he babbles and stands up straight and can fend for himself (for the most part...) when it comes to dealing with my other pumpkin.

life with two is hectic and there's nothing like it, i love--LOVE--every little thing about my babies, and when I hold them I sometimes wish they'd stay little forever. Josh feels the same way, and the other day Chloë said she didn't have to eat dinner because she didn't want to grow up because "I need to stay little like daddy said."

if I close my eyes I can still feel the haziness of those first few weeks after we brought Lucas home, and how he would nurse non stop, every two hours, sometimes every hour, and I wondered, OHMYGOD when will this end--will he ever stop eating?

tonight I found myself mourning his latest milestones: his first steps, his little babbling, his big boy demeanor. i felt a huge sense of pride for all that he has accomplished, but my eyes welled up at the thought of him growing up. the thought of both of them growing up.

each passing day, I know I can never go back, they get older, and as I struggle to leave the babies behind, knowing that my babies will never be babies again, i marvel at all that they are, all that they are becoming.

earlier, i wiped a few tears away, and eventually realized that perhaps my babies will always be my babies.

Share