to you, Lucas, I wish you the moon and the stars,
on your very first birthday, I wish you rainbows and magic, and a life full of everything you could ever want. you are a beacon of hope and strength. you have knowing eyes and a sneaky smile that makes me laugh every time. you've lived a lot in these last few months, and i pray that you will continue to live hard, and play hard for all the rest of your life.
I could never imagine we would be blessed twice over with miracle babies, and you came unexpectedly into this world, just as we were wondering, yearning, hoping that maybe, just maybe, a shining start would look down on us. i remember thinking that there was something going on, but when that stick flashed me with the "you're pregnant" I thought the floor had given out from under me and nothing was real anymore. I remember sitting on the bed, but feeling like I was floating on air. I remember shaking uncontrollably and crying through my laughter, and wondering how truly lucky, and blessed we were. I remember feeling so much lighter than I had ever felt, and it was the most beautiful day.
I carried you in my belly for 9 months, every day hoping for another month, another week, another day--just to make sure you were big and ready to come out. I jumped through hoops to make sure you stayed inside--and by hoops I mean I stayed on the couch for 4 months. I did everything I could possible do to ensure you were safe, and while I prayed for you to stay inside as long as possible, I couldn't wait for the day I would get to hold you in my arms.
I remember holding you my arms on that first evening, and I was so tired, but you were perfect, and I don't think I let go for hours and hours. daddy changed your diaper, and I think I spent that entire first night awake. looking at you. holding you.
so, on your very first birthday, Lucas, I wish you the moon and the stars.
I wish you rainbows and magic, and a life full of everything you could ever want.
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