10/13/10

10/13/10. Thirteen has always been my lucky number.

On October 11, 2010, after being off bed rest for 11 days, I went out on a crazy fun day with my Chloë. We went to the mall, shopped up a storm, played around, ran, had lunch together, and still made time to go to the Pumpkin Patch after nap. By the time I got home that evening, I didn't think too much of the wave of constant contractions that had come over me. I had been having contractions for weeks, so this wasn't new. What I didn't realize until I was out again--this time at the mall by myself once Chloë had gone to bed--was that these contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart, and could technically lead to labor. I went home, called Dr. F. who instructed me to up my dose of medication and see if we could buy a few more days. I was 37 weeks and 3 days. The next two days that followed were uncomfortable, and full of moments when we thought "this is it!" However, it wasn't until Wednesday morning, on October 13, 2010, that I realized we were having a baby. We had an appointment with Dr. F. at 1pm, and he pushed it earlier. As I got dressed, I packed as if we were heading to the hospital, which alarmed Josh a little, but he quickly got on board.

The 45 minute car ride to Dr. Fr's office, as well as our short time in the waiting room was filled with contractions every 5 minutes. It didn't take Dr. F. more than a couple of minutes to look at me, smile, and ask me if I was ready to have a baby. With that, we headed to the hospital, knowing that in a few hours, we'd get to meet our little boy.

After waiting for about five hours before they could take us to the operating room, at 5:33pm we got to meet our newest miracle: Lucas. He was born at 37 weeks and 5 days, full term, weighing in at 7 lbs 4 oz, measuring 19 3/4 long, with a full head of dark hair. He cried as they got him out, and Josh got to hold him right away. Once I was back in the room, it wasn't long before they brought him to me, and as I put him close to my chest, he instinctively started eating. The feeling of being able to hold my baby right after birth, in my room, with me, is something I wasn't prepared for. It was what I had always dreamed of, and the impact of having that dream come true was overwhelming.

Our first night, I think I held Lucas most of the time Josh wasn't busy on diaper duty. It was magical. It has now been a little over two weeks, and it is still magical. All those long days on bed rest, all the worries, all the frustration...they have all melted away as I hold my baby boy, my other little miracle. It was all worth it. And as I have said, over and over, words just can't describe it.


Lucas, a couple of hours old.


Lucas, one week old.


My two babies.

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miracles

Both of my pregnancies have resulted in such unprecedented miracles, I get overwhelmed just thinking about it. Today, I'm particularly overwhelmed. Chloë, my first miracle, was conceived years after I had been told I may never be able to have a baby--she was conceived after many tears, and challenges and that first pregnancy had its own obstacles which we successfully overcame. When she was born, a few days before she reached 34 weeks, I remember aching to hear her first cry, and crying myself when her little voice filled the room. That was a little over two years ago, and as I sit here today, particularly overwhelmed, I am filled with tremendous joy as I revel in this second miracle--a full term baby. I am having a full term baby!

When I realized I might be pregnant, and a day later Dr. F. confirmed that, yes, amazingly, I was pregnant, I knew we'd have a tough road ahead of us. During the first trimester, Dr. F., always the optimist, never stated for sure that I'd need bed rest, but whenever I broached the subject, I could see it in his eyes as he urged me to just enjoy each day as much as possible, and take it easy. He didn't have to say it, we both knew it.

When bed rest arrived at 20 weeks, Josh and I embarked on one of the hardest journeys of our lives together. We lived through 16 weeks of bed rest. We survived it, we fought it, and we made it. It was hard, unexpectedly hard at times, and Josh has been a rock--I don't have words to express how much I appreciate, and love all that he has done for me and Chloë during these last four months. It hasn't been easy on any of us, and he deserves a star--a whole universe!--named after him, for always maintaining his calm, for being my EVERYTHING, and most importantly, for always having faith, especially when my own faith would sometimes flicker.

So, today, we are 37 weeks, and I have a full term baby in my belly. Words cannot describe the emotions that fill my heart; words cannot describe how truly thankful I am for an amazing daughter, a phenomenal husband, and this tremendous miracle that I'm carrying inside me. I'm simply overwhelmed, and loving every minute of it.

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a tale of two pregnancies

While both my pregnancies have resulted in bed rest, they have also both been very different. The most poignant difference at the moment is that I am currently the most pregnant I have ever been. Chloë was born when I was 33 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Below is the face of a 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant woman who wants to be HUGELY pregnant-not something you see, or hear about every day. At this point, most women are counting down the days for the baby to come out, I'm still counting down the days so I can stay pregnant longer.


33 weeks and 5 days

Today I am 34 weeks and have survived 14 weeks of bed rest. At the moment, if everything continues to go well, I will be taken off bed rest in exactly 2 weeks, and I have a fantasy where this little guy decides that after all this time, he's just going to stay in there until 39-40 weeks. Just for kicks. Then again, there's a good chance he'll come out within a day, or 2, of me going off bed rest, stopping my medications and removing my cerclage--all scheduled for Friday, October 1, 2010.

As I pat myself on the back, and marvel at the fact that I'm still (arguably) half sane, I got nostalgic and decided to look through pictures of my growing belly, both in 2008 and now.


23 weeks, then and now

To be honest, I don't see much difference in how my belly looked, but some people swear it looks higher and rounder this time.


31 weeks, then and now

Either way, I'm still beaming from the high of currently being the most pregnant I've ever been. It's a feeling that I know won't ever go away, because every day, I'm even more pregnant than the day before. And once this little guy makes his debut (no hurry!) I'll know that I kept him in longer than I ever thought possible.

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laughter

as I get closer to the end of my bed rest days (4 and a half weeks to go and counting!) the only things that have kept me sane have been: Josh, Chloë, friends and family! And the latest in family that has made it all much more bearable was the visit from Barbara and Gary. The two of them brought much needed laughter, and distraction, and filled our house with love and a lightness that only comes from being at ease with family. They've since left, and we all miss them already. Especially Chloë who quickly developed an attachment to Auntie B and Uncle Gary...or perhaps it was their iPhones? Either way, there's no denying that we all had such a blast! With B and Gary, it's actually impossible not to have a blast--just see below:


giggling buddies


sister, sister!


and more giggling!


because it's impossible not to giggle with those two around


but we did get one frame-worthy shot!

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never ending days

It's been a month since I last offered any updates on how we're holding up as bed rest continues for me, and Chloë just becomes more and more rambunctious.

This week I am 30 weeks pregnant, a huge milestone for someone who lived with 8 weeks of not knowing if I'd make it to a good viability point. Having endured almost 10 weeks of bed rest, I feel like a survivor already, but there's another six weeks to go, and I'm not going to lie, it's tough, very tough, but each week I hold this baby in, I know it's less time spent in the NICU, and having spent 2 weeks in the NICU with Chloë, after weeks of hospital bed rest, I am willing to do anything to avoid that this time around.

Saying that almost makes it seem like I'm totally great doing this, however, as I described it to someone earlier this week, long term bed rest is a very special kind of hell. I have passed the halfway mark, and as I said, I have another six weeks to go. At 36 weeks the doctors will remove my cerclage, take me off my medications, and at that point I'm off bed rest and free to deliver whenever. The goal is to make it to at least 37 weeks, though Dr. F. is being very optimistic and believes I will make it to 39 weeks, which is when he scheduled my c-section for. Personally, I have hopes of making it to 38 weeks and spending the weeks after I'm released from bed rest lazing by the pool, getting mani/pedis, doing last minute touches to the nursery finished, and perhaps going to a movie or two. But who knows, I could deliver the minute they remove my cerclage. Either way, this fantasy is what has kept me going the last few weeks.

As the weeks have crawled along, I've had good days and bad days. On good days I relish in the anticipation of the baby boy that's almost here (no need to hurry, though!) and I daydream about what life will be like once he joins us on the outside. On bad days, I wallow in self pity and wonder how I'm going to make it one more day, one more week, and would it be really bad if I just ignored some of the doctor's orders and went out for the day. Thankfully, the good days are enough to make me conquer the bad days, and I trudge along. Whatever the day, though, I have something that always perks me up:


the face of someone who's about to get into trouble...


sweet moments with daddy

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The Bed Rest Debate

Maybe it's because five weeks of bed rest have started to wear me down, maybe I'm just using my brain too much, but I came across several articles pointing to the limited research available on pregnancy bed rest and raising questions about its benefits. The articles also touched a nerve when discussing the potential negative side effects of bed rest on some women, as I am still recovering from what was diagnosed after many, many months of pain, as Parsonage Turner Syndrome, or Brachial Plexitis on my left shoulder. It is safe to say I was a little taken aback and apprehensive about all these articles and publications I came across, to say the least.

This is the article that first jolted me to seek Dr. Google's advice (bad, BAD move...)

Followed by all these publications found on this website.

To be fair, I was not looking for any of this. I was merely searching for possible bed rest exercises to help prevent muscle atrophy. In the end, I have come out with serious questions and doubts, which deep in my heart, I know can't be answered sufficiently or alleviated because even without much evidence, if Dr. F. tells me bed rest is the best chance I have at keeping this little boy inside longer, I will do it without a blink of an eye.

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Sunday morning in the backyard

Despite being cooped up as bed rest continues, I still find ways to enjoy summer, and more importantly, to indulge my little pumpkin in one of her favorite things of all time--to play outside! Every weekend morning it's the same thing after breakfast "Mommy, Daddy...outsiiiiide" "Outsiiiiide, peeeeeas" "I wan outsiiiiide"...and we just can't resist.

So, this is what we did on Sunday morning. Several hours of outsiiiiide!

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time and changes

A Letter to Chloë, on your 2nd birthday

From the moment my belly started bulging out a few months ago, until about 5 weeks ago, I cherished our bedtime routine, knowing they might come to an abrupt end through no fault of our own. I would hold you in my arms, and you always stuffed your face into my neck, trying to fit it just right, and you'd put your arms around me, and sigh so peacefully. They were short minutes, when I would hold you tight before placing you in your crib. I would say "'night, 'night" and you'd grab your bear and watch me leave the room. There were some nights I almost cried, because I knew that those days were almost over, that not only was my belly getting bigger, and bed rest was looming in our future, but you are also getting bigger, more independent, knowing your own mind, and some nights would quickly want to move from my shoulders to your crib.

Now you are two--two full years, and Daddy has been putting you to bed every night, for about 5 weeks now. Those first few days when you'd complain as you went upstairs and I stayed behind on the couch, I would cry as I heard you and Daddy upstairs, laughing, getting your PJs on, and doing our routine. I would cry because I miss you, because I know by the time I'm able to once again hold you in my arms before bed, you might not want it anymore because you are two. Two full years. Full of life, wants and demands.

I don't cry anymore, because I know you are strong and you understand. You kiss and pat my belly, but I still think you have no idea exactly how our world will rock when this other little treasure comes out into the world. It will be amazing, and with all that you have become in the last two years, you will also be amazing.

So for now, I celebrate your birthday, the little person you're becoming, and as I lay on the couch, on the bed, on the floor, I enjoy every minute of you. You, with your curls, and your knowing smile, your mischievous eyes, and all your charm. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I just knew it, you were about to rock my world, and you've never disappointed.

I love LOVE love you! Amo MUITO!

-Mommy


there are no words

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because it's worth it

this is day 26 of bed rest and for all the moments I want to rip my hair out or cry for hours on end, there's one thing that keeps me going. Knowing that I'll have a little piece of me, a little piece of Josh, wandering around climbing trees, and just looking positively mischievous.


climbing trees with friend, Chase


looking angelic to some, but really, ready to pounce on mischief

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Deja vu

It's been weeks since I last decided to share anything of what this pregnancy has been like for us, and in that time, I also neglected to share anything related to Chloë. I just didn't think I could write without revealing all, so I chose not to write at all. We've had a rollercoaster of a month, and are slowly, slowly (but surely) getting adjusted to a new routine, our new reality. We are now a little over 5 months along and going on day 11 of bed rest.

Yup-bed rest again. The first time, while brutal, it was totally doable. I didn't disrupt too much, just stayed in bed, or on the couch working away until Josh came home from work. This time we have Chloë. We've had to change our schedules, figure out different routines, get her used to different things, and most of all, get me used to not being with her, doing things with her, for her, all the time. It's been insanely hard for me, and her. She's much better at getting used to it, she's tough. I'm still struggling, though hanging in there. I'm still able to work, so the distraction has been a blessing. Wonderful friends have helped in so many ways, and Josh has been a rock.

Without Josh and his ability to make it all ok, I'm not sure how I'd be doing right now. He has reminded me a few times this week that I can do it, and of course it's going to be hard, because as of now, as of 5 months ago, we don't just have one kid, we have two kids. And that's what makes it worth it, I know that I'm doing this for this little boy that's kicking my bladder every day, countless times a day, making me race for the bathroom. And I know from experience that as soon as I hold him in my arms, as soon as I see his face, I'll forget all about the hard part. So for now, I'll just lay here. For him. As I did for her.


they make it all worthwhile.

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fairfax finest: virginia really is for lovers

I'm in awe..and in love with the Fairfax Fire Department. I called them this morning to try to set an appointment for Josh to go have our car seat (which he has not yet installed) inspected..after some discussion we realized Josh can't make it during their hours.

Given that I'm at home ALL day with no one to talk to, my propensity to talk to strangers has increased...so I told the nice fireman on the phone that I was on bed rest and didn't know how we were going to accomplish everything we needed before imminent baby's arrival.

he paused for a moment...and then he said "I'll tell you what..I feel bad for you..." and at the point I knew I'd hit the jackpot! Tomorrow a Fairfax fireman is making a house call to inspect my (soon to be installed once Josh gets home from work) car seat.

the amount of relief this has given me is probably unrelated to the fact that I feel useless in being to accomplish anything these days-right?

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bed rest: day 18

the joys of bed rest never faze to amaze me...this morning I came downstairs before Josh woke up to have my cereal with milk. I was trying really hard to be good, so I figured I'd attempt to eat my cereal while in a recline/laying down position so that I could obey the doctor's orders to stay in the laying down position as much as possible.

Well..so much for that. I ended up spilling a good amount of my soggy frosties down my shirt and had to wait hours until Josh brought me a clean shirt to wear. That was the beginning of day 18..another 60 some days to go.

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jon and kate plus 8

Someone please tell me what's wrong with this show description for an episode of jon and kate plus 8:

"Jon takes the boys to a golf course for a day of fun; Kate and the girls head to the grocery store."

Seriously?? Maybe I have too much free time on my hands now that I find myself on the couch all day, and I'm reading too much into this--but for a day of fun, why do the boys get to go golfing and the girls go to the grocery store? What about the hair salon? Or shopping?

I'm not happy...the one show I allow myself to indulge in on daytime TV has disappointed me.

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...and the bed rest continues

...or we can call it 'taking it easy at home' as the doctor prefers refers to it. I went in to my morning check up with a long list of questions of what I could and could not do if the stay at home routine was prolonged. Things are looking better and it looks like my cervix has lengthened by 1 or 2 mm, and so to make sure it gets even better I'm to stay home 'taking it easy' for the next 6-8 weeks. So after asking my questions we've established that I can:

-go to the movies if I'm dropped off at the door

-go out for dinner if, again, I'm dropped off at the door

-fix myself some breakfast/lunch as long as it's not an elaborate meal

-go up and down the stairs in moderation and when doing so, very slowly

And I can't:

-do any housework that requires me to be on my feet for long

-take the dog out

-go to the gym (!)

...and the list of can't continues on and on. The saddest part was going to the gym and freezing my membership for 6 months! All in all, it's not bad since things are improving down there, and hopefully I can keep myself entertained for the next several weeks without going crazy!

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After a week of bed rest, Josh let me outside for a few minutes yesterday. Granted, the outside was our own backyard, but it did feel nice. Bridget and Aaron came over for dinner, and there were brownies...so it was definitely a nice break from my first week of bed rest. Today hasn't been too bad either since I had a batch of brownies keeping me company.

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fashion show while on bed rest...

A little after lunch UPS dropped off my latest order of maternity wear. Two cute dresses from Target which I saw online, and figured I could also get away with wearing it post pregnancy...which I felt helped justify my purchase. Well..that was last week...this week I don't believe I have any reason to wear such dresses. I could put them on and just bask in the knowledge that despite my inability to go out and be with the world, I still look half human in a pretty sundress. But really, sitting on the couch is not nearly as comfortable when you have a dress on. So I tried them on, thought about all the different shoes and accessories I could add to the outfits to spruce them up, and immediately went back to my comfy pants and t-shirt.

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and so it begins...with a bang!

Today was officially my first day of bed rest. I have to admit...being able to turn off the alarm after waking Josh up, and hearing him in the shower while I knew I could stay in bed even as the clock read 6:30am...that felt pretty good.

I wanted to establish a routine to make sure I can continue to get my work done..my bosses are being pretty wonderful and understanding about letting me work from home...so in order to be able to actually accomplish such a feat, I figured a routine was in order. I left showering for later, hoping it would break up my day, but I did get dressed in what I consider semi-cute attire. Form fitting track bottoms and a tank top that accentuated my growing mid-section. After breakfast (frosted flakes, bananas and milk) I managed to get in a good 4 hours of work before our remodelling contractor showed up for the final walk through.

After lunch, I though I'd be able to put in my next 4 hours of uninterrupted work..but restlessness got the best of me and at around 2:30pm I decided I needed to shower. I was still naked when I heard the phone ring and Josh told me I needed to get my ass to our neighbor's house to get to the basement because of the tornado warning. Outside it wasn't raining yet, so I thought he was being a bit overly dramatic...but once I managed to get dried and dressed, and was out the door, the skies were so dark, and the rain had started. I made it to the neighbor's right before the rain and wind got bad, and the lights went out for a while. It was a quick storm but I waited it out until 4:30pm to come home.

One would think one tornado warning a day would have been enough adventure for my first day of bed rest...but a little after 7:30pm, after I had managed to get back in the groove of work, I found myself following the orders of the TV weather man and taking cover in 'an interior room' for the second tornado warning of the day. My interior room was my bathroom..and the dog thought it was very odd that we were both sitting on the bathroom floor for 25 minutes while the tornado touched down some 25 miles from us.

Josh got home a little while after that and we figured it'd be a good story to tell the baby when she comes out...

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bed rest?

So, after making it through 29 weeks of pregnancy we were tripped up by what to many, at first, could seem like a pretty cool deal: bed rest. The doctor said my cervix length is a little short, and so in an attempt to try and prevent preterm labour, he suggested I 'take it easy' which doesn't sound that bad.

Trust me...if you have idyllic notions of wonderful lazy days--full of freedom--bed rest may not be for you. But, at first thought..I mused...hmm..bed rest..not a bad gig.

That was my Tuesday morning..early daydreams of bed rest. I went to work after the doctor's apointment, picked up enough work to keep me busy for the next 10 days when I'm due back at the doctor's to determine exactly how long this 'vacation' will last..and made my way home after picking Josh up at work. He asked if I could drive the way home, and I was more than eager..figuring this might be the last time in several days.

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