my son, my hero

I haven't written much about this, or even a little, for that matter. But now it's over, we're on the other side, and my baby is smiling. And that smile is unlike anything I've ever seen. It's been a tough past several months as we prepared and geared up for Lucas' big surgery. We had months of anxiety, and panic, and just plain fear. We had weeks of build up to the big day, only to have it canceled the day before. Ear tubes were put in, and again we geared up for the big day. When it finally arrived, I was so nervous, and so on the edge, I felt unusually calm as we drove to the hospital, despite the thunderous downpour.

Lucas was filled with smiles, and as Josh walked him to the operating room, and he started to fuss because he was starting to realize how hungry he was, I felt an overwhelming weight just pushing down on me. I cried quietly until Josh returned and said he was asleep and the surgery would start soon.

In the waiting room, the seconds moved far too slowly and loudly. The minutes were endless, and the hours everlasting. After almost 5 hours Drs. D. and M. came out to talk to us. There were complications and as they spoke to us, I could barely make out their voices, and the room was spinning. My fear-induced calmness shattered and I broke down in a million little pieces. Again, we waited-for what felt like the longest seconds, minutes, and hours of my life. Once Dr. M. came back out I just wanted to hug him and never let go for saving my little boy and for saying we could go see him.

As we walked to the PICU, we were introduced to the nurses and other doctors who had fixed my baby, and each time, I felt such amazing gratitude for each and every one of them, thank yous were not enough. As we waited to go into his room, Josh reminded me to be brave and I knew that with him by my side, everything would be ok.

We walked in and Lucas was asleep, still sedated. He looked like he'd gotten into a big brawl, but his head dressing hid the worst of it. I cried softly, but I was so happy to see him, I just held his hand and thanked God for giving him light and protecting him and making him alright. I thanked all our friends and family who have been so supportive, and I thanked our doctors for the amazing work they did.

It wasn't until the next day, late in the morning, that Lucas was allowed to wake up. He was still badly swollen, and he couldn't open his eyes, but after asking if I could hold him, and nurse him, I was the happiest I've ever been as I held him in my arms and he took comfort in nursing and finally stopped crying.

The next few days went by in a blur. Every progress was amazing, and that first smile after Tuesday made my heart burst!

We were discharged on Friday afternoon. Only four days after we had arrived. On Tuesday morning, these amazing doctors had opened up my baby's head, reconstructed his skull, and by lunch time on Friday, we were driving home. He was all bruised up, and still swollen, but he was full of smiles.

As Josh said, he is a total badass--he is my son, my hero.



* Thank you from the bottom of our hearts, to all our friends, family and to the wonderful doctors who helped us get through this. We are so blessed and grateful for each and every one of you.

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9 months well check

Today Chloë had her 9 month well check appointment. All in all, she's doing incredibly well, except for a minor cold. Here's what happened at the appointment:

--She got her Hep. B shot! AND didn't even cry (ok, she was attached to my breast, nursing away..but still, deserves props!)

--She had some blood taken--again, DIDN'T cry (ok, again, still nursing...)

--She had a urine test--I won't even get into details how that is done on babies..let me just say, there was a bit of a leak and pee was everywhere in the exam room, as well as the doctor's leg.

--She smiled, and talked, and charmed all the nurses and Dr. S.

--She is now 15 lbs. and 27 inches, with a pretty large head measuring 17.5 inches. She is 3rd percentile weight wise, 25th percentile height wise, and get this, 75th percentile head wise--yup, look at the BIG BRAIN on Chloë!

And here are the milestones we've ticked off our to do list:

--can sit up unassisted

--can stand up while holding on to furniture

--can roll over tummy to back, back to tummy

--can 'talk' and has a large repertoire of sounds

--can pass toys back and forth from her hands

The list goes on, but these are the highlights!

Next on our list--finger foods!

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green light

things are looking up...we leave for Brazil on Sunday (as opposed to tomorrow)--Dr. S. was happy with Chloë and wished us Happy Holidays as she announced we were clear to travel.

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uuuuughhhh yet again

We went to the doctor's on Monday morning and it turns out Chloë's cold has led to an ear infection which ultimately leads to us possibly not being able to travel to Brazil for Christmas. Obviously, I'm much more concerned about her getting better quickly, but it is a bummer about maybe missing a Christmas in Brazil with the whole family. We have a follow-up appointment on Thursday morning to determine whether we'll be allowed to fly on Friday evening.

On a side note, the antibiotics are making Chloë poop like there's no tomorrow..something she's always had a problem with, so she's VERY pleased with herself when she poops in the last couple of days.

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another round of shots...

fresh from celebrating her 4 month birthday we had to take poor Chloë to get some shots..she cried SO loud, SO violently, I felt like she would hate me forever. Then Dr. S. reminded me that she won't remember a thing! At least she looked stylish and was very happy on her way to the doctor's.

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no more shots, mommy!

today we went for Chloë's second round of shots. I think I was more nervous than she was..she actually did not even flinch during the first one, not even a whimper..the second one made her cry for a few seconds but even before I picked her up to nurse her she had stopped crying. She was so relaxed she nursed for almost 40 minutes and then fell asleep. She woke up an hour later and nursed for another 30 minutes. And she has gained some more weight (what with all this eating..) and is now two ounces short of 9 lbs.

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first shot is the deepest

today Chloë got her first shots--her screams were so loud, I didn't know it was possible for someone so small to be that loud. the tears leaped out of her eyes, and she was so sad and red from crying. as soon as they finished, I picked her up and nursed her and it calmed her right down. she was as happy as a clam grasping my boob! she was also pretty excited about her band-aids she even smiled at the doctor twice!!

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