miracles

Both of my pregnancies have resulted in such unprecedented miracles, I get overwhelmed just thinking about it. Today, I'm particularly overwhelmed. Chloë, my first miracle, was conceived years after I had been told I may never be able to have a baby--she was conceived after many tears, and challenges and that first pregnancy had its own obstacles which we successfully overcame. When she was born, a few days before she reached 34 weeks, I remember aching to hear her first cry, and crying myself when her little voice filled the room. That was a little over two years ago, and as I sit here today, particularly overwhelmed, I am filled with tremendous joy as I revel in this second miracle--a full term baby. I am having a full term baby!

When I realized I might be pregnant, and a day later Dr. F. confirmed that, yes, amazingly, I was pregnant, I knew we'd have a tough road ahead of us. During the first trimester, Dr. F., always the optimist, never stated for sure that I'd need bed rest, but whenever I broached the subject, I could see it in his eyes as he urged me to just enjoy each day as much as possible, and take it easy. He didn't have to say it, we both knew it.

When bed rest arrived at 20 weeks, Josh and I embarked on one of the hardest journeys of our lives together. We lived through 16 weeks of bed rest. We survived it, we fought it, and we made it. It was hard, unexpectedly hard at times, and Josh has been a rock--I don't have words to express how much I appreciate, and love all that he has done for me and Chloë during these last four months. It hasn't been easy on any of us, and he deserves a star--a whole universe!--named after him, for always maintaining his calm, for being my EVERYTHING, and most importantly, for always having faith, especially when my own faith would sometimes flicker.

So, today, we are 37 weeks, and I have a full term baby in my belly. Words cannot describe the emotions that fill my heart; words cannot describe how truly thankful I am for an amazing daughter, a phenomenal husband, and this tremendous miracle that I'm carrying inside me. I'm simply overwhelmed, and loving every minute of it.

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the bright side

in the last week our car ended up in the shop, our house flooded, and Chloë has a double ear infection. However, we are STILL pregnant! 36 weeks and 3 days pregnant to be exact.

When I turned 36 weeks, I got my cerclage removed, and was officially taken off bed rest! While my mobility is still somewhat compromised because everything HURTS from four months of laying on my bum, this is HUGE. A momentous occasion which we celebrated with a date night! I actually got to leave the house and not worry about whether walking from the car to the restaurant would cause me to go into labor. It was wonderful, everything I imagined freedom would be like. I felt like I was walking on air, with fairies and butterflies following my every move, and rainbows paving the way. It felt *that* magical. More magical than that was picking up my Chloë after 4 months. The look of utter delight on her face when I offered to pick her up is something I will NEVER forget. She was beyond happy, and kept saying "Wook at me, mommy!" as if I didn't know what we were doing. Oh, I knew..everything hurt, but it was all worth it.

As if I couldn't get any happier, I also realized that bed rest made me love being pregnant. While I love the result of pregnancy, I've never been one of those women who delight themselves in the actual being pregnant part of the whole thing. I don't like the maternity clothes, I despise the constant peeing, I hate it when people stare, when strangers and acquaintances want to touch your belly, oh! and morning sickness, let's not even go there! The list could go on, and on (and on...) However, yesterday I realized that I am LOVING being pregnant. The horrible back discomfort, the hip aches, and insane sciatic nerve pain *almost* don't bother me, because I keep thinking that I am so incredibly pregnant, and I'm just thrilled! So, in the grand scheme of things, all the craziness going on in our household, is entirely secondary to the fact that our little boy is still safely inside!

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a tale of two pregnancies

While both my pregnancies have resulted in bed rest, they have also both been very different. The most poignant difference at the moment is that I am currently the most pregnant I have ever been. Chloë was born when I was 33 weeks and 4 days pregnant. Below is the face of a 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant woman who wants to be HUGELY pregnant-not something you see, or hear about every day. At this point, most women are counting down the days for the baby to come out, I'm still counting down the days so I can stay pregnant longer.


33 weeks and 5 days

Today I am 34 weeks and have survived 14 weeks of bed rest. At the moment, if everything continues to go well, I will be taken off bed rest in exactly 2 weeks, and I have a fantasy where this little guy decides that after all this time, he's just going to stay in there until 39-40 weeks. Just for kicks. Then again, there's a good chance he'll come out within a day, or 2, of me going off bed rest, stopping my medications and removing my cerclage--all scheduled for Friday, October 1, 2010.

As I pat myself on the back, and marvel at the fact that I'm still (arguably) half sane, I got nostalgic and decided to look through pictures of my growing belly, both in 2008 and now.


23 weeks, then and now

To be honest, I don't see much difference in how my belly looked, but some people swear it looks higher and rounder this time.


31 weeks, then and now

Either way, I'm still beaming from the high of currently being the most pregnant I've ever been. It's a feeling that I know won't ever go away, because every day, I'm even more pregnant than the day before. And once this little guy makes his debut (no hurry!) I'll know that I kept him in longer than I ever thought possible.

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