one whole year

dear Chloë,

today you are one. You are one WHOLE year old. Earlier this week I had lunch with some friends, and one of them was 8 months pregnant, and my mind drifted off to the days when you were inside me, always close to me. The days when I could always protect you, the days when I didn't have to hold on to you because you were just always there. And then I remembered, oh yah, I never made it to 8 months...so I don't exactly remember how it is to be THAT kind of pregnant, but still, I remember your kicks, and your jabs, and OH MAN--your HICCUPS! ALL the frickin' time! You had these hiccuping fits four or five times a day, and I would look down on my belly, terribly amused at the little dance your hiccups played in my tummy. I remember everything.

I remember our hospital stay, and the contractions that lasted for three weeks, and the countless times you tried to come out and the doctors kept you inside for a little while longer. I remember the day when you finally decided enough was enough and the nurse smiled at us and said "Well, you're having a baby today..." and I just cried and cried. I remember I wanted you to stay inside so badly, even if just for a little while longer, but when you did come out, and come out in style you did--crying and everything--I was so glad to see you on the 'outside'. I remember holding you for the first time and not even noticing exactly just how tiny you were, because all I could focus on was the fact that I was finally holding you--my baby--and I remember looking down at you as you nursed for the very first time. I remember it all.

I remember bringing you home, and the car ride that lasted forever because we were probably doing 30mph on 495. I remember all those sleepless nights, and checking on you to make sure you were still breathing. I remember your first smile, and hearing that first laughter, and seeing you learn how to crawl. I remember all of it.

It is all etched in my mind, painted on my heart.

And now, you're one. You are still always close to me, always hanging on to my chest, and my shoulders. And when you're tired, or cuddly, or shy, you rest your head on my chest and sigh heavily. And I still always do all I can to protect you (as I will for the rest of my life), and you still hiccup ALL the time!

Daddy always says he wishes you could stay "this small" forever, and sometimes I wish for that too. But something inside of me tells me, that to us, you will always be this small forever, no matter how big you get. You will always be our little pumpkin, our Chloë bear who couldn't wait to be born, and actually arrived in time to party at her own baby shower.

Here's to you, may your first birthday be everything you deserve!

PS. I'm so excited you would think this is MY birthday (which in a way, I guess it is...) and now I can officially say my own birthday doesn't feel nearly as exciting to me as yours does!



on the day you were born


one year later...

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